How the Evil Spawn came to be



Let me start off by saying at this point in time I wasn’t sure I wanted another baby, my son was 6, he was starting to be independent, but my husband really wanted one, so I told him I would only have 1 if he could promise it was a girl, after 6 years I was kind of sick of blue, he said okay I promise it will be a girl and as you can clearly see in the pic, it was!  I got pregnant in August and spent most of my pregnancy without my husband who left for BCT in November, I blew up like a whale the first 3 months, or at least it felt like I did, but overall the first 2 trimesters were pretty easy, other than ya know missing her daddy.  In Feb I decided that I was going to move to San Antonio TX to be near my husband while he was in NTC, and so I packed me and the boy up and off we went, I was there a whole week before I had the worst sinus/ear infection ever and was pretty certain I was going to die, that was not pleasant, but good news is I lived as you can see.  It took me awhile to find a doctor that would take me at 6 months pregnant and I wasn’t exactly fond of the doctor I found, he was strictly repeat C-section and I really wanted VBAC, but what could I do I was kind of stuck, so he was the one.  Around 33 weeks along my daughter decided she wanted to commit suicide in my womb, wrapping the cord around her neck a few times a day that was my first clue that she was going to be a monster, I then found out I also had gestational diabetes, except really I didn’t, they sent me to this pregnant diabetes girl specialist and I would fuck around and eat a half cheesecake before I took my blood sugar levels and they were always perfect, the specialist would tell me how great I was doing on the diet and I would laugh and say what diet.  Because of her love of trying to strangle herself I again had to go in every other day for non stress tests and ultrasounds, I thought that was a pain in the ass the first time around, well let me tell you doing that with baby number 1 was cake compared to doing it alone with a 6 year old son….because I am sure as you can guess he loved sitting at the fucking doctors every other day for 3 days, Good news is he was actually a great baby, great toddler and an easy child, until recently(save for later since this about how she came about) I also spent a lot of my 3rd trimester getting yelled at for not gaining weight, but secretly I was smiling inside because who the hell wants to gain weight right?  I complained alot about how my hair stopped being shiny and my skin got all dry and the doctor just kept telling me that it meant she would be pretty (turns out he was right the whole time she was stealing my pretty to use for herself) At 36 weeks I was having mega contractions and was 3cm dilated, every appt they told me I wouldn’t make it until my C-section date, that I may not make it past the day…turns out they were fucking liars, at 38 weeks I tried everything to put myself into labor I figured I could then go to the ER at BAMC and have a doctor there deliver so I could still do VBAC, I mean I ran, I jumped, I had tons of sex(I could see my husband on weekends just to clarify), I even drank castor oil, but she refused to budge…clue 2 at 38 weeks 6 days I went into the hospital for my scheduled C-section, I wasn’t as scared this time around but I certainly didn’t like the idea of the epidural(yes that is what bothered me most, except for staples which my doc had already promised me he would remove in the hospital with drugs) At 7 am they wheeled me into the OR and 21 minutes later my princess graced us with her presence, again I knew instantly that I would die for her, any day any time, She was the most beautiful baby girl I had ever laid eyes on.  although I do gotta tell you since she is half puerto rican and I have dark hair I was expecting a carmelly colored baby with dark hair, I got a paler than me baby with very light hair….but she was beautiful all the same

Day 3 of my hospital stay my doc decided he was going to release me, the nurse came and said I had to make an appt to get my staples out…OH FUCK NO…with my son they had literally adhered to my skin and I was not going through that shit again, so I did what any self respecting woman would do…I cried A LOT, turns out this worked like a charm, nurse told the doc I wasn’t ready to be released waited for him to get off shift and had another doctor sign off on my staple removals, God I love that woman!


One response »

  1. Pingback: 10 reasons having a dog is not like having a child | Domesticated Breakdown

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