He’s home!! We are apart again and I am not liking the unknown

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On a very good note: He’s home!!!!
hes home

Seeing him for the first time in 9 months was absolutely wonderful, it is that feeling that always keeps me going. The first kiss, the first time I get to hold his hand, his arms around me for the first time at night again.  It’s almost surreal when it is happening.

I enjoyed every second of my time with my husband in El paso, among other things we cuddled, and watched movies, went out to dinner and talked, and it was almost like dating having no kids staying in a hotel.

“So dawn goes down to day, Nothing gold can stay”  ~Robert Frost

Saying goodbye AGAIN was hard, I didn’t want to leave him there, and my heart hurt, not that I couldn’t handle it but more of I am sick of handling it, I am sick of saying goodbye and I am sick of having little control over our lives together.
I am currently in freak out mode, this is mostly because I am an intense planner and a self admitted control freak, I want need to be in control, and when I am not in control I stress, that is why being an Army wife is so difficult for me.  I do not handle sitting back and waiting well and if you have any experience with the Army you know that is exactly what it is, hurry up and wait and write everything in pencil.  At the moment I have no idea when or where I am moving to, or when I will get to be with my husband again.  There are 3 factors and each one has different results:

1. He is putting in a request to be released which means hopefully we would be able to leave really soon, this is the option that we are praying for, the one that would make me a very happy girl

2. If they declined his paperwork to leave early he will put in for 60 days leave, basically making him able to leave in early December, not the best because I would still stay here and we would be apart for 4 more months, I know it is crazy to opt to stay separate, but we have reasons, such as the schooling there being a year behind schooling in the north, we do not want our children to be set back again, as A had a very hard time catching up this year, medically my daughter and I do not do well with the air in El paso, and financially it is the smarter option.  If this is the case we will probably fly him here a couple times to visit

3.  The worst case…they deny both and he can’t move to Washington until February, if this happens then we will move back to El paso because I refuse to give up that much time with my husband, which you can probably guess is just going to be a mess

The thing is I just want to know one way or the other.

I am curious to know if any of you have ever opted to stay in separate states before?  I know some do  because as I kissed my husband goodbye before boarding the plane in El paso, I watched another girl do the exact same thing and get on the plane with me.

I must admit though I am feeling a little alone on this and a little like I have no idea what the best decision is and if we are making it, or not.

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13 responses »

  1. I’m not an Army wife, but my husband lived apart from us for a while due to a job transfer. He busted his hump to find us a house, yet we still had to wait to move over Christmas break this last year. My biggest issue is I’m not willing to settle in somewhere that I don’t want to be and know we won’t be staying. Hubby will be getting another transfer-hopefully in the next 6 months to his permanent store. Thankfully this time, we’re homeschooling so we can go as soon as we can find a place to live. I do hate the not knowing when and where.

  2. Pingback: Change happens all the time | Domesticated Breakdown

  3. It will probably the option #2. We have been apart before a deployment like this making it almost 18 months of seeing maybe for 2 weeks + 2 weeks. That was before we had kids though and I dont think I would do it again with kids. Just look at the bigger pics and what makes the most sense plus hpow strong are you to stay apart for that long. Good luck!

  4. My heart aches for you. I am also not good at waiting or the unknown. I can’t imagine being apart from my husband indefinitely or taking on the kids alone for that length of time. Both your strength and heartache come through in this post, good writing! I hope you get good news soon and can be together.

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