Category Archives: Raising little humans

An interview with the boy munchkin

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In honor of A turning 12 I decided to do an interview:

1. So far what has been the best age? Why?

EIGHT BECAUSE 2ND GRADE WAS FUN

2. What age are you looking forward to the most? Why?

16 BECAUSE I WANT TO BE A TEENAGER

3. What is your favorite color?

GREEN

4.What do you want to be when you grow up?

A MARINE BIOLOGIST

5. If you could change one thing in the world what would it be?

I WOULD GTE RID OF EL PASO

6. If you could have any super power which one would you pick?

BEING ABLE TO HYPNOTIZE PEOPLE

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7. What is your favorite movie?

ALIENS VS PREDATOR

8. What is your least favorite and favorite school subjects?
Least Favorite: MATH                             Favorite: SCIENCE

9. Do you plan on having children when you get older?

NO

10. Why?

CUZ LOOK AT ME, I AM AS ANNOYING AS HECK

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11. If you could live anywhere where would it be?

I DO WANT TO GO TO THAT PLACE WHERE YOU CAN RUN AROUND NAKED AND NOONE CAN DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT (nudist beach) BUT I JUST WANT TO DO IT ONCE, I’D LIVE IN OCEAN CITY MD

12. Favorite memory?

MY DREAM WHEN I WAS RAINING FOOD OH WAIT: BOSTON AQUARIUM

13. Least Favorite memory?

DO NIGHTMARES COUNT ? NO OKAY: WHEN I LOST MY XBOX AND GAMECUBE

14. Something that makes you sad?

MY MEMA DYING
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15. Something that makes you happy?

VIDEO GAMES and SNACKS

16. If you had a million dollars what would you do with it?

BUY EVERYONE OF MY FAVORITE VIDEOGAMES, A MANSION, GET A BUTLER AND CALL HIM STEVE, STEVE THE BUTLER, BUY MY OWN AQUARIUM and if I HAVE AN AQUARIUM I WILL BE ABLE TO GET MORE MONEY AND GET AN ISLAND PARADISE AND ANOTHER BUTLER WHO I WILL CALL JOE

And now the question for all of you, What would you do with a million dollars?

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Why my son saved my life and his birthday letter and video

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12 years ago today I gave birth to the boy who ultimately saved my life.  I do not think that is an exaggeration at all.  Before I got pregnant with my first born, I was into some nasty stuff.  I was rebelling, it started shortly after my parents uprooted me from the only home I had known for 15 years in the country and planted me in a city, which also happened to occur right after I had became anorexic and lost a great deal of weight.  A year later I got pregnant for the first time, but terminated the pregnancy at 24 weeks because my baby had anencephally,  and so I went back on rebelling.  I was pretty mad, mad at life in general and my first course of feeling better was always drinking.

I drank from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed, I could drink grown men under the table and not even flinch, and at the time I was pretty proud of that.  I was in to quite a few drugs, pretty much anything was a go other than heroin and crack, I had watched too many go down that road and seen it end badly.  I moved from MD to Ohio with my sons father and continued the partying lifestyle.  When he told me he wanted to have a baby, I immediately agreed, in a way I wanted to fill a hole.  The longer we tried and the more it didn’t happen, the more upset I got and the more partying I did, pretty counter productive I know, but back then I honestly just didn’t think about it, It’s hard to think when you are messed up all the time.

In November of 2000 I finally seen the 2 pink lines that meant I was pregnant.  I immediately quit drinking and doing any drugs and I remember the sense of panic I had when reality set in that I had probably done something I shouldn’t have in the first weeks of my pregnancy.  I was petrified, and what had happened in my first pregnancy didn’t help.  I moved back to MD, got 2 jobs, and we got our own apartment.  I completely turned my life around and the day that he was born, I knew I would never be the person I had been again.  I had a new reason to live and something that made all of  the hard stuff in life worth it.  For that I am eternally grateful to my son.

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You have been mommy’s reason for breathing from the time you took your first breath, actually well before that, from the moment I knew you were inside of me, maybe even before that.  You brought so much joy into my life and I am thankful for you each and every day.  I remember all of your years as the were yesterday, I remember when you shocked me and chose to say boat even before you said mama and dada, I remember the times you would play with shoe strings pretending they were spaghetti, I remember the excitement each time you ran into the living room because Santa had came, I remember how happy you would get at the little things like bubbles, grass, water, and paint, I remember the countless hours we spent reading, and doing crafts, I remember when you wanted to be a doctor, a dentist, an actor, and a TV, I remember each year that you just had to pick your own Halloween costume, I remember the words you said wrong like Octohpoh instead of Octopus and Oitmeal instead of Oatmeal, I remember your first steps, your first food and the first time you told me you loved me, I remember when you thought cleaning was fun and hanging out with your mom was cool.  I miss all of those times, but I am always looking forward to what’s next and you continue to surprise me.  You are so smart, handsome, and funny.  I love that you like to laugh even if it’s at the most insane things.  I love that you now want to be a marine biologist, I love that you are starting to be more grown up, I love when you help me cook and the pride in your eyes when you can do things on your own, I love how sweet you are when I am sick  and my dear I will love you if all of those things change.  I look forward to seeing the man that you grow up to be, but for now could you slow it down and let me hold on to these days for awhile before they too become memories.

Mommy

Do I have 2 children or 3?

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I was 11 when my niece J was born and she was my first baby, even if she wasn’t mine.  I fell in love with her the moment I saw her and as she grew older I continued to fall in love over and over again.  When she hit her teenage years our relationship changed, not only was she my baby,  and my niece but she was also became my friend, and over the years she became my best friend.

When I had my own babies, it amazed me to see them interact with each other, they have some amazingly loving moments and they also have some moments that make me shake my head and wonder if I have more than 2 children and of course those are the ones I want to share with you

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At one point C hated J but mostly because she wanted her boyfriend, and was convinced she was going to marry him(yes at age 4 lol) Once she moved on to a little boy at school she began to LOVE J

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J loves to sing soft kitty to anyone who will let her, and let me just tell you none of us actually let her:
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C was being cranky
J: Aww ya know what you need C? Starts singing soft kitty
C runs out of the room with her ears covered

2.
J was spending the night one night and C didn’t know she was in my bed, she comes in in the middle of the night and tries to crawl into bed, next thing I know I hear a thump….then C crying, in her sleep J had pushed her off of the bed
(when she did realize what she did, she was like AWWWW baby!)

3.
I am on the phone with J before C’s birthday and she asks to talk to C
C: I don’t want to talk to her, I don’t like her(this was the I love her boyfriend stage)
Me: That’s not nice C you need to go to your room and think about it
5 minutes later I try to walk into her room and it’s barricaded(although not well)
Me: Nice try C
C: Go away
Me: No
C: Get out of my room!
Me: No I will not
C: I hate you
Me: I love you!
This goes on for awhile
C: well I will just get a bomb and blow you up so you can’t love me
Me: I am gonna send you to live with J
C: NO!
Me: Yes
C: Fine I love you
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A and J used to be really close, then as he grow they became a LOT alike and so they clash ALOT, but usually in a humorous way and always with love:

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Sitting at the table
A to J: We’re best friends but if the zombies come I’m tripping you
J: (All excited) I’m your best friend?
A: No no
J: That’s what you just said awww I am your best friend
A: Oh man

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2.
Just look at the picture!
(No A’s were hurt in the taking of this picture)
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3.
Again with the soft kitty song
J sneaks up behind A and starts singing the song
A runs: “Awww crap help mom”
J: I am a great predator, I sneaked  right up on him

4.
We had a tattoo party and our artist put one of the stencils on A as a temporary tattoo
A: What is it?
US: Harry potter, look it matches J’s”
J: YES we are twinsy’s
A: Oh no! This washes off right?

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I promise they love each other, those stories just aren’t as funny!
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C’s Tonsillectomy and Adenoidectomy surgery part 3 Week 1 recovery

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In this post I am going to take you through the 14 day recovery that the doctors said we would face.  I am writing each day and publishing at the end of the 1st and second  week. I am hoping this will help those who will have to go through this, and maybe it will help me not go as crazy watching my munchkin go through it.

You can see the first 2 posts here and here

THE DAY WE CAME HOME(DAY 1):
It went much better than I thought it would.  Other than the throwing up on the way C is doing pretty well.  Still really sleepy and not feeling great, but she was able to get some jello, popsicles and water down. She is getting Tylenol with Codeine every 3 hours, and it seems to be working, she hasn’t complained much about her throat, however her tummy is hurting…hunger maybe?

NIGHT 1:
C was up about every 3- 31/2 hours but was able to fall back asleep quite easily after taking her medicine and having a drink.  I was a little worried I wouldn’t hear her if she woke up because of my medication, so I have her sleeping in my bed, I think I may have woken up twice as much as her, paranoia is not my friend

DAY 2:
Happy 4th of July! C was pretty bummed that we couldn’t see fireworks, the closest ones were about 45 minutes away and I didn’t think that was a good idea since her tummy is still off. So we made fireworks using sprinkles and water:

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She did elect to get dressed so she could still wear her red white and blue outfit! C was pretty happy when her Cousin M stopped by to bring her a teddy bear and see how she was doing
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And she felt extra special when her Aunt and Uncle stopped by to see her and brought this
3If you can’t tell her favorite color is green, so she LOVED these.  I think the visits helped bring her spirits up.  She was eating pretty good today, I was amazed! She ended up eating a pudding, a gogurt, 4 popsicles, some of a milkshake, and 2 things if Jello,I had been warned she wouldn’t want to eat the first couple days, so I was pretty proud of her, then again I am Mommy, I am always proud of her.  Today she started the amoxicillin 3 times a day, along with the Tylenol with Codeine.  I think that has been her biggest problem so far, since she has been sick so often she HATES taking medicine so it is a fight to get her to take it.  I am wondering how long bribery will work, and wondering how broke I’ll be after 14 days. Cousin Jenni came over and made C a milkshake, she was super excited about it, but wasn’t able to drink a lot of it 😦

NIGHT 2:
Night was about the same as the first night, she was still up every few hours, but again fell asleep easily after meds.

DAY 3:

Today was rough! As soon as we woke up and she gave me a hug I knew it was not going to be good, She was hot, and while they said a fever was to be expected, the fever shouldn’t be above 100.5, I could tell by touch she had exceeded that.  Sure enough she was at 101.6, she was complaining about a headache and not feeling so well.  I called the doctor and spoke to a nurse who basically told me we needed to get the fever down.  The challenge is that Tylenol has never worked to bring down C’s fevers.  The nurse explained to me that C’s doctor doesn’t recommend Motrin but his partner and the doctor who was in the office at the time, does and that while normally she would stick to her doctors orders, if Motrin was the only thing that would bring the fever down she would have to tell me to use it.  I of course had to ask why my doctor didn’t recommend it, apparently at one time Motrin was thought to increase the risk of bleeding, but all of the new testing indicated that it does not, her doctor is older and therefore still uses the old school practice. The nurse did assure me that the risk of Motrin was no where near the risk of not being able to control her fever and so we started Motrin. She instructed me to give her the Motrin the next time she was suppose to have the Tylenol and give her a call to let her know if the fever went down, if it didn’t I would have to bring her in.

She had just had Tylenol so we had 3 hours before we could test it out, during that time I used cool compresses to try to break the fever, with little success, about .2 degrees. 22 minutes after giving her the Motrin her fever was down to 100.6, I called the nurse and she said it was fine and to keep giving her the Motrin.

Because I was exhausted and my brain isn’t functioning at 100%, heck maybe not even 80% I hadn’t asked how often to give it to her, so 3 hours later when her fever was starting to come back up, I had to call the doctor again, this time the office was closed so the doctor called me back and told me Motrin every 6 hours and Tylenol with Codeine 3 hours after the Motrin, in between. He must have heard the worry in my voice because he added that she would be fine and to just make sure she stayed hydrated.

Getting C to eat or drink was tough today, I did convince her to take sips of water throughout the day, because she didn’t want to have to go back to the hospital, she only ate 1/2 a jello and a popsicle, but she was still using the bathroom so I wasn’t too worried about her being dehydrated.

She seemed to be bouncing back a little by late evening.

NIGHT 3:
C was waking up every 2-3 hours, complaining of a sore throat, she ended up having a popsicle at 3:15am.

DAY 4:
C was doing much better today, she didn’t seem to be in too much throat pain, and was able to eat some luke warm cut up noodles with butter, which is a step in the right direction, she did complain that it felt like they were stuck in her throat and had to take a drink after each bite, at least she is getting fluids right? She also ate some peaches today and I think those felt good in her throat because she looked like she was enjoying them.  She asked to go out for icecream so PAPA, me and A took her, and she ordered a Sundae but only ate 2 bites and is still complaining of a tummy ache.  I have been writing down when she has tummy aches and I think it is the Codeine causing it, maybe a combination of lack of food and Codeine? I have decided to only give her the Tylenol with Codeine at night unless regular Tylenol and Motrin can not keep her pain away.  I am hoping this helps with the tummy aches.  I hate seeing her sick and wish there was something I could do to help.  She was feeling well enough this evening to take a walk in the backyard and check on our garden, and she took her first bath since the surgery.  I made it a sensory garden bath

NIGHT 4:
This was a bad bad night, we were up ALOT, C’s tummy was sick and she had horrible diarrhea(sorry baby that one day you will be old enough to be embarrassed that this is on the internet) I ended up changing sheets twice and scrubbing her and the floor.  I finally broke and gave her 1/4 of a Pepto dose and it worked wonders.  Yet somehow she still managed to be up and ready for the day at 8am

DAY 5:
Today I went to my nephews graduation party and C stayed home with my niece, since I thought it would be unfair to bring her to a park with a lake and make her sit, plus they say the sun is bad. I was gone for about 3 hours and my niece said she did great, she had a bowl of buttered pasta for lunch, which is pretty huge these days.  When I got home C was in really good spirits, she painted a bunch of pictures, played with her Lalaloopsy dolls and they had played candyland and she made me play with her again.  She rode her scooter a little and over all didn’t complain of too much pain, although it was difficult getting her to go to bed tonight, I think she has realized that she gets away with more because she is recovering

NIGHT 5:
It was much better than the last and probably our best so far, while it took C a long time to fall asleep she only woke up twice in the night with very little complaints

DAY 6:
Today C has been much more like her old self, wanting to play a lot and we even took a trip to the store, she requested pancakes for dinner, and was able to eat bologna and cheese for lunch, let’s hope she keeps improving 🙂

NIGHT 6:
C was having a lot of ear pain tonight, the doctor warned us this could happen, but that it wasn’t an ear infection.  She ended up using an ice pack and taking the Tylenol with Codeine and was still up multiple times, I feel so sorry for her.

DAY 7:
Today was a pretty good day considering I thought we would be battling ear pain, C only had to have Motrin once before bed time and that was around noon.  She ate 2 big bowls of Macaroni and Cheese, and she was playing pretty good.

Over all week one wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be, although I did feel a lot like the mother of an infant again.

Our Vacation to Ocean City Maryland

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It took me forever to write this post because I have had so much going on with C’s surgery.  Better late than never right?

We went on Vacation to Ocean City MD, and stayed in a condo on the beach
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It was about 100 feet from the water and we loved it there.

Day one we went to Rita’s because we had been there in Galveston, TX and loved it
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We did a lot of out to dinners, and to be honest I wasn’t very impressed by the seafood there.

Day 1 we spent a lot of time on the beach just hanging out and swimming and I didn’t really take any pics although I can say we found a lot of seashells while we were there
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These are just some of them.

And even with sunscreen I ended up burning to a crisp! Eventually it blistered and I had to get first aide cream and wear nothing but halter tops or dresses OUCH!

Day 2 we went to Jolly Rogers, Jolly Rogers at the Pier, and Splash Mountain
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PAPA and the munchkins on the bumper cars

C rode her very 1st big people rollercoaster the avalanche
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She immediately wanted to ride again!

Day 3 we went to the boardwalk and Ripley’s
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Ripleys
They were trying to make weird shapes with their tongues like the pictures in Ripley’s

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This was agreed by all of us the best part of Ripley’s the way the tunnel spun made it seem as if the bridge you were walking on was going to flip over…see my daddy hanging on for dear life lol

That evening we flew kites too!
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C got upset because her kite broke, but her amazing big brother let her fly his 🙂

Day 4 we decided to just relax in for the day and then took the munchkins to dinner and mini golf in the evening after it cooled off
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Day 5 we took the munchkins on the Duckaneer
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Which was so much more fun than I thought it would be
The munchkins got to be pirates and fight more pirates trying to take over the boat for treasure
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And I got turned into a bearded lady
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My munchkins thought this was hilarious

Day 6 was our final day on vacation  and again we enjoyed the beach, it was also the first day I was not in extreme pain from my sunburn!
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While C wanted to learn to surf, never mind that’s a boogie board A was content to splash in the waves

A and I also took a walk every night to see the beach, look for seashells and see if we could find any sea life buzzing about, We found lots of all!
This little guy had turned over on his back willing to except his fate of death when A helped him out!
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I think all of us were pretty sad when it came time to leave

C’s Tonsillectomy and Adenoidectomy surgery part 2

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You can see part 1 here

When they wheeled her out for surgery I thought I was going to be super upset and end up crying, but the fact that C was all silly before going in really helped.  I felt a lot better. My niece came with me and since we hadn’t eaten all day we took this opportunity to go get some breakfast at the cafeteria.  The doctor said that we had about 45 minutes to an hour.  Once we were done eating I stopped by the gift shop to get her a balloon, flowers and stuffed animal, and ended up picking Theodore from Chipmunks, and didn’t get the flowers because the clerk was taking forever and I was so scared I would miss the doctor.

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I did well throughout the wait until about 11:05 when the doctor still hadn’t came in to talk to us, and it was well over the hour time limit.  I must admit I started panicking a little and I was worried about C, especially since I do not handle waking up in recovery well, and I wasn’t sure how she would handle it.

At 11:09 the doctor walked in to see us, which meant I only had to go crazy for 5 minutes.  He said her surgery went well, no complications and they were getting ready to bring her into recovery.  He gave me a list of instructions and said they would come in and get me when they brought her back to ambulatory.

It felt like forever from the time the doctor came to talk to us and the nurse came in to tell us she was headed to the room.  I did a lot of pacing, and worrying, and overall just really wanted to see my baby.

It was about 12:15 when they finally came in to get us and were moving C back.  We got to the room first and when they wheeled her in she looked so fragile
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She was sleeping but opened her eyes long enough to open her mouth and show me they were gone, and then went right back to sleep.

We knew before hand we would have to spend about 4 hours there before she would be sent home, so I tried to do some reading, but I was absolutely exhausted

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Over all she did great, she was able to take a few drinks, had half a popsicle and a couple bites of ice cream. There were no complications and no bleeding and she slept a lot through the stay.  She did complain some of her stomach hurting but said she didn’t feel sick.  At around 4:10 she started to complain of a sore throat and they decided to give her fentanyl in her IV before sending her home, since I still had to get home and have my dad go get her prescriptions.  That also made her loopy she sat right up, grabbed the rest of her blue popsicle ate the whole thing and put the stick right up in the nurses face and said “Look a Stiiiiiiiiiiiiiick” About 20 minutes later they removed her Iv and she was able to get dressed back into her PJ’s.

At 5pm we were discharged, I went and wheeled the car around and my niece and the nurse brought her down in a wheel chair
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We made it about 5 minutes in the car before she said she felt sick and threw up everywhere, then immediately went to sleep, it scared the crap out of me and I had to have my niece check to make sure she was still breathing, thank goodness she was!

We made it home and she went right back to bed, and that started the road to recovery!

 

C’s tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy surgery part 1

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So as most of you know C had surgery on July 3rd.  It was the first time either of my babies have had surgery and while it was what they would call a simple surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids, I was still pretty freaked out.  I think the worst part for me before the surgery was I knew it had been my decision(along with her doctors) to have the surgery done, and I am very afraid that nothing will change after the surgery and I will have put her through it for nothing.  Overall my desire to help my child won, and I decided to go ahead with the surgery.

We had to be at the hospital at 6:30am which meant we had to leave our house at 5:45am.  I should have slept more, I wish I had slept more, but nerves kept me awake well into the morning hours. My alarm went off at 5:10am and I wanted nothing more than to hit the snooze button  and forget the whole plan. Of course I couldn’t do that so out of bed I rolled. I made sure she had everything she wanted to bring with her, number 1 on her list was her scentsy piggy, that is her favorite friend.  C stayed in her pajama’s because she didn’t want to get dressed, and really who cares, she would shortly be changing into a gown.

C was pretty nervous about the surgery and the fact that she has seen me come home in immense pain after a couple of my surgeries did not help.  I tried to explain as best I could that it would not be as bad for her as those surgeries had been for me, since it is less invasive, but I also didn’t want to make it seem like she wouldn’t be in any pain.  It was a tough line to walk but I told her that she would have some pain for a few days, that her throat would be sore and she may have a little bit of ear pain, but that the doctors would give her medicine to help her feel better.  She was very concerned with where I would be while she was having surgery and if she would be asleep.  I covered all of that for her and I think her nerves calmed down.

We arrived at the hospital at 6:25am and got her settled in a room to wait.  Because the lab had forgotten one of the blood tests they were suppose to get, they had to redraw her blood at the hospital.  We were there about 15 minutes before they came in to do this, and she was not a happy camper when she found out.  He was great with her up until the point he missed her vein and kept trying to find it, which was breaking my heart because she was screaming.  Eventually he pulled the needle out and had to switch arms, this did not go over well with the munchkin, we basically had to hold her down.  He hit on the first try in that arm and when it was over she said “Oh that one didn’t hurt”

The nurses were absolutely amazing with her, she ended up laughing a lot and bringing home a ton of stickers and a coloring book.  They even came in and gave piggy her own hospital bracelet

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The rest of the time was a lot of talking to nurses.  About 5 minutes before being taken to the holding room they came in to give her the Versa(used to calm her down so she wouldn’t be upset when she had to leave me and so she wouldn’t remember right before surgery and associate it with something bad) which they said would make her loopy, Oh boy I wasn’t counting on how loopy it made her, her pupils were so dilated that you could barely see the color in her eyes, she was giggly and wobbly and then started playing peek a boo
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The good news is she definitely wasn’t upset.

At 9:50am I gave her one last kiss and hug and they brought her into the operating room

Honeybee flower party

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I live for birthday parties, seriously I love them, and I go crazy on them because I love them.  That doesn’t always mean I spend a ton, a lot of things can be done for very little.
For my daughters 3rd birthday I asked her what she wanted on her cake so I could plan her party around that. She told me she wanted a bee and a flower, and so the honeybee flower party was created
I wanted to share with you guys a few ideas that we used.
We bought a bee stamp and then dollar store cups and napkins and stamped each one, then bought just color matching plates and silverware
I made Honey bee peanut butter and honey sandwiches(if you are throwing a party that involves children under one, you could just use another type of sandwich but the honey and peanut butter went cute with the theme)
To do this I purchased a bee hive cookie cutter (you can find them all over etsy), and sugar bees sold at Hobby Lobby or Michaels
I then used the cookie cutter to cut all of the bread, and proceeded to use the bee hive shaped bread to make peanut butter and honey sandwiches

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when I was done I added a sugar bee to each one
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I made the cake myself, it is all icing, except for the flowers which are fondant and I used the Wilton mini teddy bear pan to make the bee
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I also cut all of the fruit in the shape of flowers using a flower cookie cutter

Flower and Bee party

The party was a huge hit, hope you enjoy the ideas. And if you haven’t seen it, check out the art birthday party we did here and the ocean theme party here

A few things you should know

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Hey love, I wanted to write you this in case something awful happens, and I am no longer with you.  No I’m not leaving you, I mean if I fail to exist in this world anymore.  You see I know you are already worried about passwords and such in the event that I meet my untimely demise, but Relax I got that covered, there’s notes for you in the safe. Let’s face it though honey there are a lot of other things you are going to need to know if the unfortunate happens:

First know that I love you, I will always be with you, and I am watching over you, so don’t screw it up okay? You can do it, believe in yourself, and remember I believe in you!

A is going to be heartbroken, at 12 he is old enough to understand and he has already lost so much in his life.  You have to be gentle with him, no yelling, okay.  He is probably going to go through some shit, and it’s not going to be fun for you, but you have to be his rock, this is when he’ll need you more than ever.  You won’t have to answer too many questions with him, he already has a basic idea of death, and what happens, so you are off the hook there, but he will need someone to listen to him, someone to hold him when he cries, speaking of, let him cry, let him cry as much as he needs to, I know he’s 12 and he’s a boy, but it’s okay for him to be emotional, cry with him if you need to, but never stifle his emotions.
He’ll be easy to please food wise, as long as it’s not fancy, seafood, or mayo he will eat it, but please make sure he is getting some nutrition, and french fries do not count as a vegetable, he favors green beans, this will come in very handy.
Make sure he showers every night, brushes his teeth, and uses deodorant, he hates those things so if you slack he will too!

C is getting old enough to understand some what but not fully, she is going to be the one to ask you 101 questions 101 times a day, answer them, even if it hurts you, and be honest, as honest as you can be with a 5 year old.  When she asks about what happens after we die I would love for you to tell her both of our views and let her make her own decision. She’s tough, but she is going to need some support, If you need help turn to my niece, and your sister, they are the closest to being like me, and they can be the women in her life that she will need, but don’t go overboard with the support, she needs to get used to being with just Daddy too. You have to spend time with her, doing things that don’t involve electronics, so she keeps her love for learning, books and crafts.  I know that isn’t easy but you can do it, build a birdhouse or something.
She likes her hair cut to shoulder length, if you want your life to be easier, keep it this way.
Remember she doesn’t care for meat so you will need to give her eggs or peanut butter so she still gets protein, she loves fruits and vegetables, keep the fridge stocked with these and you should be okay.
When she gets older, remember to give her trust unless she loses it, she will date, try not kill the dates, this won’t win you any favors okay.  Clothes and shoes are a matter of life and death it’s good you get used to that idea now.  Make up is okay, just don’t let her go overboard and remember not to be too hard on her, being a teenage girl can be rough.

Don’t forget to take care of yourself, be the example that they need, they will follow.  Don’t have regrets, and don’t feel guilty about anything, I know how much you love me, any wrong doing is past and I forgive you, so don’t forget to forgive yourself.

If you don’t know where something is, and let’s face it, that will be frequently ask C, she’s probably the closest to me as far as knowing where everything is, so yes rely on  the 5 year old, she will help you!

If all else fails bring them swimming or somewhere around animals, a puppy wouldn’t hurt right now, especially since I don’t have to take care of it, see, still looking for the silver lining even though I’m dead.

Go on with your life, but not too quickly okay? Mourn me a little bit first, then go on, I want you all to be happy, so make it happen.  If you find a new woman just make sure she is good to our children, and she makes you happy and I will be happy.  Make sure you keep me alive though, show them pictures and tell them stories often, I know it hurts to remember, but I don’t want to be forgotten, and they need to know who their mother was.  This will be one of the hardest things you have to do, but I have seen you do difficult things before so I have faith in you, have faith in yourself!

Did I mention I miss you!  I loved you until my last breath and I love you now, to the moon and back!

Moving up day, not so moving

Standard

This year A was in 5th grade, and next year he will be in 6th(duh right), here’s the problem I went to the elementary moving up day where they honored the 6th graders for moving up to middle school since where we are now middle school starts in 7th grade, and the 5th graders got nothing except being able to sing a song, but we are moving this summer and where we are going 6th grade is middle school. All I could think was he will never get the recognition of having completed elementary school and moving up to middle school.  I know it’s really not that huge of a deal but for some reason it just bums me out.  Any idea on how I can make the transition to middle school seem like a big deal to him on my own?