Hey love, I wanted to write you this in case something awful happens, and I am no longer with you. No I’m not leaving you, I mean if I fail to exist in this world anymore. You see I know you are already worried about passwords and such in the event that I meet my untimely demise, but Relax I got that covered, there’s notes for you in the safe. Let’s face it though honey there are a lot of other things you are going to need to know if the unfortunate happens:
First know that I love you, I will always be with you, and I am watching over you, so don’t screw it up okay? You can do it, believe in yourself, and remember I believe in you!
A is going to be heartbroken, at 12 he is old enough to understand and he has already lost so much in his life. You have to be gentle with him, no yelling, okay. He is probably going to go through some shit, and it’s not going to be fun for you, but you have to be his rock, this is when he’ll need you more than ever. You won’t have to answer too many questions with him, he already has a basic idea of death, and what happens, so you are off the hook there, but he will need someone to listen to him, someone to hold him when he cries, speaking of, let him cry, let him cry as much as he needs to, I know he’s 12 and he’s a boy, but it’s okay for him to be emotional, cry with him if you need to, but never stifle his emotions.
He’ll be easy to please food wise, as long as it’s not fancy, seafood, or mayo he will eat it, but please make sure he is getting some nutrition, and french fries do not count as a vegetable, he favors green beans, this will come in very handy.
Make sure he showers every night, brushes his teeth, and uses deodorant, he hates those things so if you slack he will too!
C is getting old enough to understand some what but not fully, she is going to be the one to ask you 101 questions 101 times a day, answer them, even if it hurts you, and be honest, as honest as you can be with a 5 year old. When she asks about what happens after we die I would love for you to tell her both of our views and let her make her own decision. She’s tough, but she is going to need some support, If you need help turn to my niece, and your sister, they are the closest to being like me, and they can be the women in her life that she will need, but don’t go overboard with the support, she needs to get used to being with just Daddy too. You have to spend time with her, doing things that don’t involve electronics, so she keeps her love for learning, books and crafts. I know that isn’t easy but you can do it, build a birdhouse or something.
She likes her hair cut to shoulder length, if you want your life to be easier, keep it this way.
Remember she doesn’t care for meat so you will need to give her eggs or peanut butter so she still gets protein, she loves fruits and vegetables, keep the fridge stocked with these and you should be okay.
When she gets older, remember to give her trust unless she loses it, she will date, try not kill the dates, this won’t win you any favors okay. Clothes and shoes are a matter of life and death it’s good you get used to that idea now. Make up is okay, just don’t let her go overboard and remember not to be too hard on her, being a teenage girl can be rough.
Don’t forget to take care of yourself, be the example that they need, they will follow. Don’t have regrets, and don’t feel guilty about anything, I know how much you love me, any wrong doing is past and I forgive you, so don’t forget to forgive yourself.
If you don’t know where something is, and let’s face it, that will be frequently ask C, she’s probably the closest to me as far as knowing where everything is, so yes rely on the 5 year old, she will help you!
If all else fails bring them swimming or somewhere around animals, a puppy wouldn’t hurt right now, especially since I don’t have to take care of it, see, still looking for the silver lining even though I’m dead.
Go on with your life, but not too quickly okay? Mourn me a little bit first, then go on, I want you all to be happy, so make it happen. If you find a new woman just make sure she is good to our children, and she makes you happy and I will be happy. Make sure you keep me alive though, show them pictures and tell them stories often, I know it hurts to remember, but I don’t want to be forgotten, and they need to know who their mother was. This will be one of the hardest things you have to do, but I have seen you do difficult things before so I have faith in you, have faith in yourself!
Did I mention I miss you! I loved you until my last breath and I love you now, to the moon and back!