Today I braved the Commissary on payday, which is a feat in itself, but what is the zoo of the commissary on pay day was nothing compared to the things that came out of my child’s mouth while we were there.
Besides the normal “I’m going to fart out my taco” (yes that’s normal) talk we had quite the evening of our son leaving us either laughing hysterically or completely speechless.
On the way there we were talking in the car, and out of the blue after I said something nice A goes “Holla”
I was like Oh shit, did they bring that whole Holla thing back? Apparently the answer is YES because all his friends say holla.
At the store A was acting like his crazy high strung self, running around and being loud, while I thought about hiding behind a wall of soda to escape the looks of strangers, when my husband tugged A’s ear…
A: “Oww that hurt”
The husband: “Seriously”
A: “Yes you tugged on my muscle, I think I got a pulled muscle now”
Me: “A pulled muscle in your ear?”
Me: “Your ear doesn’t have any muscle”
A: (Very Loudly) “So what your butt has a muscle but your ear doesn’t?”
The husband: “Your butt is a muscle”
A: “I know, so your ear doesn’t have 1 single muscle?”
At this point the people around us are giggling to themselves
Me: “Oh for goodness sake your ear is cartilage not muscle”
Now for the next thing I have to give you a little back story: My husband happens to be one of those guys that totally flirts with girls, and he does it naturally, I have been telling him for years and he looks at me like I’m crazy.
We are walking out to our car and for those of you who don’t know at the Commissary someone brings your groceries to the car, it just happens that the person bringing our groceries out is a girl, and of course my husband turns into what appears to be a 14 year old boy trying to act cool to get a girl to notice him. A, C and I are walking ahead of them…
A: “Mom he’s flirting with that girl”
A: “seriously do you hear him?”
A: “you better watch out mom she’s gonna steal yo man”
Me: (trying not to fall over laughing) “I;m not worried now shhh”
A turns around looks at his dad and says “You better knock that off”
No reply NO nothing
A: “He’s still flirting”
At this point I can’t completely stifle my laughter and small giggles are escaping,
We get to the car load it up and I am standing outside smoking, I ask the husband if he heard any of what A was saying. He says no, so I fill him in, no wonder no reply he didn’t even hear him, now my husband is laughing and all like “Really?1?”
We get in the car and I tell A to tell him what he thought he was doing on the walk to the car, so A rehashes everything he says to me
The husband: “Is that so?”
The husband laughs
A: “You do that almost every time there’s a girl”
The husband: “I do what”
A: “You act different when there is a girl around”
The husband: “I do that all the time?”
A: “Pretty much, especially when we go on post, that’s where you see the most girls that you talk to”
At this point I am dying laughing, while attempting to give him the I told you so look, The husband says he’ll work on that, all I’m saying is good job A, now he knows I am not crazy!