Tag Archives: military wife

He’s home!! We are apart again and I am not liking the unknown

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On a very good note: He’s home!!!!
hes home

Seeing him for the first time in 9 months was absolutely wonderful, it is that feeling that always keeps me going. The first kiss, the first time I get to hold his hand, his arms around me for the first time at night again.  It’s almost surreal when it is happening.

I enjoyed every second of my time with my husband in El paso, among other things we cuddled, and watched movies, went out to dinner and talked, and it was almost like dating having no kids staying in a hotel.

“So dawn goes down to day, Nothing gold can stay”  ~Robert Frost

Saying goodbye AGAIN was hard, I didn’t want to leave him there, and my heart hurt, not that I couldn’t handle it but more of I am sick of handling it, I am sick of saying goodbye and I am sick of having little control over our lives together.
I am currently in freak out mode, this is mostly because I am an intense planner and a self admitted control freak, I want need to be in control, and when I am not in control I stress, that is why being an Army wife is so difficult for me.  I do not handle sitting back and waiting well and if you have any experience with the Army you know that is exactly what it is, hurry up and wait and write everything in pencil.  At the moment I have no idea when or where I am moving to, or when I will get to be with my husband again.  There are 3 factors and each one has different results:

1. He is putting in a request to be released which means hopefully we would be able to leave really soon, this is the option that we are praying for, the one that would make me a very happy girl

2. If they declined his paperwork to leave early he will put in for 60 days leave, basically making him able to leave in early December, not the best because I would still stay here and we would be apart for 4 more months, I know it is crazy to opt to stay separate, but we have reasons, such as the schooling there being a year behind schooling in the north, we do not want our children to be set back again, as A had a very hard time catching up this year, medically my daughter and I do not do well with the air in El paso, and financially it is the smarter option.  If this is the case we will probably fly him here a couple times to visit

3.  The worst case…they deny both and he can’t move to Washington until February, if this happens then we will move back to El paso because I refuse to give up that much time with my husband, which you can probably guess is just going to be a mess

The thing is I just want to know one way or the other.

I am curious to know if any of you have ever opted to stay in separate states before?  I know some do  because as I kissed my husband goodbye before boarding the plane in El paso, I watched another girl do the exact same thing and get on the plane with me.

I must admit though I am feeling a little alone on this and a little like I have no idea what the best decision is and if we are making it, or not.

We are together and together we are perfect!

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It just occurred to me that the last time I seen my husband I was not a blogger. I was 15lbs heavier.  I had lighter hair. I had not  been to college, let alone succeeded and finished college. I had no idea what it felt like to see one of my babies wheeled away into the operating room, or to break my ankle.   I had 3 less tattoos and 2 less piercings, and I was still able to have a baby.

So much has happened in 8 1/2 months, it is almost surreal.

I have to wonder how much I have changed in that amount of time, I mean I obviously have, all of those things can’t happen and leave you exactly as you were, and if I changed how much has he changed? What is different about him?

I guess it really doesn’t matter, because while I have changed I am still me, and while he may have changed he is still him, and for the moment no matter how brief we are together, and we are perfect!

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Feelings and Experiences of a Military Spouse

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Things you may not know or experience if you aren’t a military spouse:

The meaning of TDY, PCS, NTC, ETS, BCT, FOB, COB, and the list goes on
The joy of seeing a dirty pile of uniforms and combat boots on the floor, because it means they are home
How to pack a house in a day
Eating whatever scraps you have left in the house for a couple days to avoid going to the commisary on pay day
How it feels to spend countless holidays alone
What it means to have the news completely terrify you
The feeling of holding your breath while you wait for what will either be bad news for you or for someone else, and the grief that follows the relief when the bad news is not for you
Writing everything in pencil because things are constantly changing
Saying goodbye far to often
Being able to make lifetime friends in short periods of time
The sinking feeling when you hear the news that they have to go away
The heartbreak you endure kissing him/her goodbye and knowing it may be the last time
Having to explain to your children that their Daddy/Mommy can’t be there and they don’t have a choice and even though they leave a lot they still love them
How to make any house a home
The tears that fall from hearing the National Anthem
The pride that overwhelms your heart when you think about your spouse and all that they have sacrificed
The anger when your plans get cancelled for the 100th time because they need him/her there
Waiting and watching your soldier but not being able to touch them while they turn in equipment and stand in formation listening to speech upon redeployment
and last but not least
The feeling you get when you kiss them for the first time in what seems like forever….that is the feeling that makes it all worth it in the end!