Tag Archives: rant

10 reasons having a dog is not like having a child

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My rant for the day You know what I can’t stand?  When someone compares their dog to my children, ummmm no matter how you cut it, having a dog is not like having  a child.  Here are 10 reasons why….

1.

Dogs require to be fed, in a bowl twice a day, something that you didn’t cook

Children, at least mine think they are starving 20 times  a day and must have something custom prepared that goes along with whatever food phase for the day, You can not feed them the same things daily, because while they may LOVE chicken nuggets today, chances are they will HATEEEEEEEEEEEE! chicken nuggets tomorrow, ya know what else?  They never tell you that they have decided to swear off chicken nuggets until you have them on a plate sitting in front of them and you are just about to take your first bite of food.
2.

When your dog is driving you insane you can put it in a cage, leave it home alone, or tie it up outside

Do you know what they call that if you do it to children? Child Abuse

3.   Can we talk money here?

Yes I realize dogs can get pretty prices for regular vet bills, and if they get sick the price goes up

Seriously though no comparison to the years of diapers, formula, bottles, furniture,  clothes, shoes, toys, games, books, and everything else that little humans require

4.

When’s the last time your dog colored your entire house with permanent marker?

You mean he doesn’t have opposable thumbs?  He can’t color your walls, Oh he chewed your slipper you say, I tell ya what I will buy you a new slipper, you buy me new walls, and a new sofa Deal?

5.

Dog gets sick, you bring them to the vet, if it is serious the vet keeps him overnight, you go home, you worry about your dog, you hope he gets better
Child gets sick, you bring them to the doctor, you sit in a waiting room forever hoping said child doesn’t contract something far worse than what they originally came with, You find out your child has the flu, the doctor won’t keep them, you spend a week not sleeping, cleaning vomit from everything in your house, praying that they get better, and then ya know what happens….You get sick, and you still have to take care of the sick child

6.

When’s the last time your dog told you they hated you, or that you ruined there life, or screamed one of those ear piercing glass shattering screams that makes everyone turn around and cover their ears simultaneously?  That’s what I figured, unless your dog is like Martha Speaks none of that shit happens, You don’t know what Martha speaks is?? That means that you are not subjected to countless hours of horrible cartoons that somehow leave you singing the songs that you hate…but I thought raising a dog was like raising a child

7.

Your dog is sad? You pet him, give him a treat and boom instant tail wagging happiness
Your child is sad?  You spend hours trying to figure out how you can be doing everything that you are doing with them and they are the ones that did something mean to you, yet they are sad, you hold them, cuddle them, rock them, sing to them, pretty much anything to stop them from being sad, 5 minutes later they are sad again, probably because you served them the dreaded chicken nuggets they loved yesterday

8.

Taking a trip, put the dog in the car, probably in a cage, good to go,

I am betting your dog never once says “Are we there yet?” Let alone 50 times an hour for 14 hours, I am also betting you never hear something like this from the back seat “He’s touching me” “I’m not touching you, I’m not touching you” “MOOOOOOOOOOM”

9.

Have to go to work?  Leave the dog home with a bowl of food and water and a couple toys FREE
With a child, find a babysitter, pay 3/4 of what you make to said babysitter, and hope the babysitter you found isn’t planning a kidnapping or  murder

10.

I’ve kind of saved the best for last in my opinion?

Wanna tell me where you got that dog?  Oh you went to a breeder or a pound?  Signed some papers, paid some money and brought your new bundle of joy home?
Let me tell you how I got my children, I got pregnant, vomited for months, grew to be the size of a house, ended up with Cankles, high blood pressure and diabetes, spent countless hours in a doctors office, battled extreme heartburn, and hot flashes then had my stomach cut open and my new bundle of joy pulled out….Seriously read my birth stories

How the Evil Spawn came to be
The Story of My Prince

I think I was fortunate, we all know the other way a baby enters this world…And even if someone adopted their child it is still not the same, they put in a lot more work and money let me tell you, and probably heartache and tears along the way so….here’s the deal if you can manage to push a dog out of your hoohah or have it cut out of your stomach then I will admit that having a dog is like having a child, it still won’t be but I will let you win this one….

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